SpiritualFamily.Net: Humour & Mirth's pages

A soldier's Bible

Paul Kemp Administrator — Sat, 24 Aug 2019 14:25:10 -0400

[player url="https://www.facebook.com/JustinFlomShow/videos/336418387284541/UzpfSTEwMDAwMTY4MDQ5NzYwMDoyNDYwODc5MDYzOTc4MDg2/" title="Amazing story of a soldier and his Bible!" summary="Playing cards paint a beautiful picture"]

The Rude Parrot and the Turkey

Paul Kemp Administrator — Sun, 19 Nov 2017 20:35:29 -0500

RUDE PARROT

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up, and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot, and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.

For a few minutes, the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions, and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior the bird spoke-up and very softly said, "May I ask what the turkey did?"

Newfie Lake

Paul Kemp Administrator — Thu, 16 Nov 2017 19:28:07 -0500

Newfie Lake

A Newfie won a fishing boat in a raffle and tows it home. His wife looks at him and says, "What in the name o' Lard Jasus are you gonna do wit dat, bye? We lives on a farm. There's nary a bit o' water within 75 miles o' 'ere."

He says, "Don't care. I won 'er and I'm gonna keep 'er."...

Several days later the Newfie's brother comes over to visit. He looks out in the field behind the house and sees his brother sitting in a fishing boat in the middle of the field with a fishing rod in his hand.

He stands at the edge of the field and yells out to him, "What the frig are you doin'?"
His brother calls back, "I'm fishin'. What the frig does it look like I'ma doin'?"

His brother yells back, "Lard tunderin' my son, it's people like you that gives Newfie's a bad name, making everyone think we're stupid. If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick you in the friggin arse."

Newfie Lake

Paul Kemp Administrator — Thu, 16 Nov 2017 19:26:20 -0500

Newfie Lake

He says, "Don't care. I won 'er and I'm gonna keep 'er."...

He stands at the edge of the field and yells out to him, "What the frig are you doin'?"
His brother calls back, "I'm fishin'. What the frig does it look like I'ma doin'?"

NOAH TODAY

Paul Kemp Administrator — Thu, 25 May 2017 23:39:46 -0400

NOAH TODAY

In the year 2013, the Lord came unto Noah,

who was now living in Oregon and said:

"Once again, the earth has become evil and I see the end of all flesh before me.

Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.

"Noah!," He roared, "I have started the rain! Where is the Ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed."

"I needed a Building Permit."

"I've been arguing with the Boat Inspector

about the need for a sprinkler system."

"My neighbors claim that I've violated the

Neighborhood By-Laws by building the Ark in my back garden and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Local Planning Committee for a decision."

"Then the Local Council and the Electric Company demanded a boat load of money for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea.

I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it."

"Getting the wood was another problem.

There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the Greater Spotted Barn Owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls -

but no go!"

"When I started gathering the animals the ASPCA took me to court.

They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space."

"Then the Environmental Protection Agency ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood."

"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew."

"Immigration are checking the Visa status of most of the people who want to work."

"The trades unions say I can't use my sons."

"They insist I have to hire only Union workers with ark-building experience."

"To make matters worse, the Internal Revenue Service seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species."

"So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."

Their was a pause in the inquiries.

The rains became torrential!

Water fell in wind driven sheets and waves!

Thunders & Lightening Flashed with profusion!

The sounds were deafening!

The crew hung their heads.

We were all waiting for the worst!

"Suddenly the skies cleared,

the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky."

Noah looked up in wonder and asked,

"You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"

"No," said the Lord.

" The Government beat me to it."

The End!!!

FREE Charlie Chaplin QUOTES and ANIMATIONS

Paul Kemp Administrator — Tue, 23 May 2017 20:55:27 -0400

FREE Charlie Chaplin QUOTES and ANIMATIONS

Please feel free to download or LINK to these graphics. the LINK CODE is below each image.

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